Bitter Sweet...

Becoming a mom of a second child has been very bitter sweet for me.. You see when Noah was a baby I was a different person then. Very selfish and hateful. I wasn't ready to be a mom at that point in my life. Although deep down I loved Noah with all my heart, I didn't do the best at showing it. I was very quick to do what I wanted and not what I needed to do.

I say it has been bitter sweet, because I find my self holding Josie and soaking in every second. Where I did not do that with Noah. I find my self feeling bad for the way I treated him and the mother I was to him as a baby and toddler. I find myself crying at times because I missed out on those moments with Noah, moments I can not get back.. It pains me greatly.. I guess you can say that regret and guilt go hand in hand.. I have them both. I can only move forward from here and try my hardest to be the best mom to both the babies that God has given me!!!

In the 5 years Noah has been playing sports I have only missed ONE game. That was this past fall because I was in the hospital. There was nothing I could do. I know he has no clue that I have only missed one, but I think that is my way of making up for all the time I missed when he was a baby. I only hope it WILL mean something to him when he is older!